Why Am I Confused?

Many friends ask me about the name of my blog- ‘Confused-Ambadi’.  Well, Ambadi is the name of my home! It signifies a fulfilled dream, a new beginning, unloading of lot of accumulated baggage and a discontinuation of the past for me!

What is left is ‘Confused”. On that, I always reply in two sentences- First in jest and the second, in all seriousness:

Firstly, I tell them that it is my way of taking an anticipatory bail through the caveat that all I write is the product of a confused mind.

Then I request them to read the first ever blog that I wrote in 2008, which I reproduce below:

“Hello.. The World out there...

I am a new blogger.. Just confused about a lot of things...

To begin with let me post my biggest confusion:

What is the shape and where are the limits of this 

universe? If it has a shape it must, a limit too... right? If so, what is beyond the limit? If you say it is empty, again that means further space. Space without limit? I am confused!!!

Can anyone out there enlighten me?”

Years have gone by and I have written on all sorts of subjects that interest me. However, I remain confused on so many subjects. Even on the ones that I wrote about, I continue to wonder if there is another side to it.  I have realised that most sincere perceptions can be far from the reality!

As for the confusion I talked about in that blog, it continues to bother me. I have tried to learn more about the subject, but without any success. Each theory only adds to the confusion.  My small mind is unable to comprehend that how can there be any object without a limit (edge), a shape and a size?!

In fact, at that time, I was focussed more towards the end of this universe- its outer limits and what could be beyond. Now, my confusion has grown in the opposite direction too, i.e., inward! Now, I am so confused about the mind and its depth too. 

What is mind? We only know what it is not. It is not heart; it is not brain; it is not sensory organs; it is not nervous system; it is not the body....  It is something more than all of these.  While there are numerous theories on what constitutes our mind, there are no clear answers. 

Can we have a larger confusion? On the one hand we do not know where the limit of our mind is and on the other hand, we have no idea as to where the outer limit of our universe is.

Our so famed and so powerful science has also been unsuccessful in cracking these two enigmas that are so fundamental to our very being!  Yet, our ignorance often forces us to believe whatever a scientist says, as gospel truth, until some other scientist manages to disprove it!  This cycle gets repeated.  New inventions and discoveries often have the ability to destroy very basic theories that we held close to our hearts for so long.

In between these two extremes of universe and mind, we are so sure of so many things.  The less we know the more we are sure. As someone said, ‘ignorance is intelligence’.   This applies not just to science but also to all aspects of our life.

We are so sure of the guilt or innocence of accused, in every criminal case, even though the investigation itself is not complete and it will take years for the judges to arrive at any verdict.  We are so sure of what should be the treatment for each patient, even though the doctors will require many a test before even finding out what the disease is.

We are so sure of the history, even though none of us have witnessed it and we all agree that it is written mostly by vested interests, according to what suited their purpose. We are even ready to kill fellow humans, to avenge the reported injustices of those distant days.  It is another matter that if the reported history does not suit our perceptions; we will even discredit the historians and re-create our own versions of history.

What to speak of philosophies, religions, and political ideologies?! The followers of each one are so convinced about the infallibility of their own and the uselessness of all others.  It is not of their concern that none of these have succeeded in providing a lasting solution to the problems that plague our world or even human beings. 

Same is the case with relationships.  Yesterday they were so sure of their love towards each other and always maintained that they can never live without each other; today they are in a bitter fight in the Family Court, seeking separation as they are again sure that they cannot live together!

The truth is always so entangled in the varying perceptions that there is no option but to be confused, if you care about the truth.  Disentangling the perceptions to arrive at the ultimate truth is proved to be the toughest challenge for human kind.  Theories presented to it as ultimate truths, on occasions, were subsequently found to be mere worthless imagination. 

Can anyone, under these circumstances, be anything but confused?

May be being confused and recognising that state of mind is a better option than being sure about anything, in this world.  It at least allows us to keep our minds open to new ideas and not to shut our eyes and ears to others’ perceptions!